Five years ago, I got in touch with Eve and Laura, founders of Fairspace, because I was angry about the state of the world in public spaces, and ready to act.
I never could have imagined how much both Fairspace and this topic have grown and developed since that moment. Today, I see Fairspace as a national movement of solidarity that continues to expand into new spaces.
In 2021, in a post-MeToo society, the news of Sarah Everard shook the UK and beyond. It was one of those stories I couldn’t stop thinking or talking about.
Many friends and colleagues agreed it was awful but also admitted they had walked past situations of harassment without getting involved. I too was guilty of this when I really thought about it, and yet I didn’t understand why.
It made me realise how much this topic had built up for me over time. How many experiences had been normalised, minimised, or quietly tucked away. All my female friends could name multiple experiences of harassment, yet it was the first time we had openly talked about it together.
With too much time on my hands thanks to the pandemic, I emailed Eve and Laura: I am too angry to sit around and do nothing. How can I get involved?
Fast forward five years. The conversation around harassment has become more visible and more present. Workplaces are investing, universities are embedding training, and public awareness has grown significantly. It doesn’t feel quite as taboo as it once did.
And yet, there is still plenty to do.
Over the past five years, I’ve delivered training to a wide range of audiences. In every room, whether full of students, sports clubs or professionals or the general public, I’ve come away with the same feeling: change is absolutely possible, but only if people take responsibility for the role they play in shaping a safe culture.
These are the five biggest lessons I’m taking with me from five years as a bystander intervention trainer.
1. Safety looks different for everyone
We often talk about “crossing a line” as if there is one universal line. There isn’t.
Everyone has different boundaries. Everyone carries different experiences into a group. You can catch someone on a good day or a bad day. A comment that feels harmless to one person might land very differently for someone else. A ‘harmless’ comment could be harmless once, but maybe not the fifth time in a week. It’s often the build-up that makes something land harder.
That is exactly why it’s so important to keep talking about these things.
If someone tells you something doesn’t feel okay, be curious. Talk to them about it, but above all believe them, especially when you don’t immediately understand their reaction.
Creating safer spaces is not about always getting it right. We are human, and it is impossible to always get it right. It is about being willing to listen, reflect, and make room for different experiences of safety.
2. Culture is created in small moments
Every workplace, sports club, student society, classroom or friendship group has a culture.
The question is: what kind of culture do you want to create?
Imagine someone new joins your team, your club, your class, or your group of friends. After their first day, what do they go home thinking? What do they learn about what language or behaviour is considered normal within that group? What gets challenged, and what gets laughed off?
We have all heard versions of this:
• “Oh, that’s just how he is.”
• “It’s all part of student life.”
• “He didn’t mean anything by it.”
But every time we let something slide because it feels familiar, harmless, or inconvenient to address, we help define the norm.
Bystander intervention is not only about reacting to individual incidents. It is about the ripple effect that shapes the environments we are part of, and refusing to let “that’s just how it is” be the standard.
3. You don’t have to be direct to intervene
For a long time, I thought intervention meant confrontation.
I was that person who would angrily confront someone if they were bothering my friend in a busy bar or on the street. I thought calling someone out publicly was always bold and brave.
But the reality is that this is not always safe, nor is it always the most effective way to help.
For many people, the expectation to be loud and direct is what holds them back from acting at all.
The good news is you do not need to be direct to make a difference.
One of the most valuable things I’ve learned through Fairspace is that there are many ways to intervene:
• Distract: interrupt the moment and shift attention
• Delegate: ask someone else for help, a colleague, a stranger, someone with more authority
• Delay: check in afterwards, especially when you’re not sure how something landed
• Document: if safe, record the situation so someone has a record to follow up
Not every intervention needs to be dramatic. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is break the momentum, create space, or let someone know they are not alone.
Doing something imperfectly is almost always better than doing nothing at all.
4. When it comes to harassment, impact matters more than intention
A lot of harmful situations happen in what people describe as “grey areas”. Often, people don’t have any intention to hurt someone else. Behaviour can be framed as humour, shaped by culture, or simply normalised over time.
But the absence of bad intent does not erase impact.
If someone feels unsafe, humiliated, objectified, or uncomfortable, that matters.
This does not mean intent is irrelevant, but accountability is what matters. People can learn. But too often, conversations get derailed by trying to prove what someone “meant”, instead of paying attention to what actually happened and how it landed.
If your boundaries are crossed, you are allowed to be angry. If you see something happening to someone else that you wouldn’t accept, you’re allowed to say something.
And if someone tells you they were hurt, the most powerful thing you can do is not defend your intention but to listen to the impact.
5. Do something, not nothing
This is the simplest lesson, but maybe the most important one.
We ask people every day: How are you?
It costs nothing to ask again when something feels off.
Check in with the colleague who suddenly went quiet.
Text the friend after a night out.
Interrupt the joke.
Change the subject.
Stay back and talk to the person afterwards.
Even if someone didn’t need it, that check-in is rarely wasted and often deeply appreciated.
Bystander intervention is not about being perfect. It is about refusing to let silence do all the work.
Silence protects behaviour. Action protects people.
Thank you, and a small invitation
When I joined Fairspace, I never expected how much I would find empowerment, healing, and solidarity through this work.
Every training I have given has left me feeling a little stronger in my conviction that small actions really do shape safer spaces. I have seen countless people ask brave questions, challenge their assumptions, and leave the room more ready to act.
Fairspace exists because people care enough to show up. The team, the trainers and the volunteers all make this movement possible.
So to Fairspace: a massive thank you for the reminder that change is built in conversation, small actions, and collective responsibility.
And to anyone reading this: if you have ever wondered whether you can make a difference, you absolutely can.
And if you’re looking for a meaningful way to turn your values into action, becoming a Fairspace trainer or supporting Fairspace financially is a great place to start.
Lotte Senior is a trainer at Fairspace.
